I went cold turkey and it didnt work out. I reduced the amounts gradually and it felt like im lying to myself.

I feel like I have a mental block which prevents me from making the best decisions in any given situation. I feel slow and stupid. Though I know deep inside that I do not do impulsive decisions and I'm intelligent.

The same cycle, everyday. I tell myself Im stupid. Then I tell myself im not.

But the main reason I want to quit is the paranoia attacks. Im sick of it. Im exhausted. And im betraying the trust of my partner.

I am strong enough. I can do it.