Im trying to kill my crutch but am I damaging myself

Posted 11 July 2017 by Stephan

Ive been a huge smoker scince I was 19 im now 25 from day dot I smoked heaps and still do it has been a crutch for a problem ive struggled with half my life agrivated depression my anger has always hurt me and thoes who surrounded me so I smoke and it keeps me calm as I was never able to get what I need from counciling or medication now I relise that pot itself is massively effecting my life I have no motivation everyday I go out on family days and all I can think about is getting home to some cones I caine for my kids bed time so I can smoke and I have very little abillty to enjoy my children as im always so lazy house work majorly falls behind things like letting the lawns go for two months when im not high im constantly stressing and I can never afford to take my kids out we are always stuck at home broke cause of it im 25 and I havnt got off my ass to get my license to take my family from a to b my poor wife struggles with public transport taking my cleft son to his hospital appointments all because I cant deal without my crutch I want to quit so bad but I dont know where to begin I feel like my mental state will blow without it and either way I go my life will fall apart infront of my eyes I just wish there was a switch I could flip and no longer even think about it at the end of the day I dont know how to live without it I dont even know how to socialise properly anymore without it I havnt lived anysort of life for six years I just wish I could go back and never let that 1st bucket touch my lips I want my life back I just dont know where to begin or get help everyone I know even my mom smokes its the social norm for everyone I know