Fate was with me today. Left Christmas celebrations with my family early to go home and buy a Q (and get high and vegetate in solitude). Felt guilty while waiting for my dealer (counting on a hit to take away the guilt). Luckily he didn't turn up (first time I've not been pissed off at a dealer not showing up which is big progress - I remember a time when I would have been furious and frantically trying to scrape together crumbs to smoke. Started dreaming again which is fun (more psychedelic than smoking is atm) and feels good for my mental health.